As I progress through my grief, I am coming to understand all of the life changes that have occurred since Angela passed.
For the 22 years before her brain cancer diagnosis, all of the things that needed doing in our life were either divided between us or, tackled by both of us. And it worked extremely well. Let’s take the whole dinner prep/clean-up cycle. We had a long-standing rule that could be traced back to when we moved in together. And it was pretty simple and respectful. If one of us cooked, the other cleaned up. Angela would tell me that I was a messy cook. She always took pride in cleaning as you go.
If we were cleaning the house, like many other household duties we “divided and conquered”. This struck us sensible, respectful, and a good way to make the most of our combined energy.
For a long, long time, all the things we did were divisible by two.
After her brain cancer diagnosis, as I reflect, I was being prepared for running the household by myself. This training was largely on the job by the changing circumstances of caring for Angela as her brain cancer progressed. For awhile we continued to do things divided by two. As the disease progressed we could yell to each other across the house. If I had a question or, when she had some input, it worked.
After she became more bed-bound and lower energy, I picked up the majority of the household management including grocery shopping, home cleaning (aka home caring), dishes and cooking dinner (most nights). She was even able to write some dinner ideas/foods she wanted on a list for a while.
There is no doubt there is a bit of a road ahead. And I have my moments of all-out grieving. Taking steps... small steps and testing changes as I put them into action. Some changes, I am not ready for. Other changes are put into action. Click To Tweet
Now, all the things we used to together are divisible by one.
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